Oatmeal and Raisin Cookies!

Met David in school today! Woah! How qiao is that! He introduced me to his supplier as his student. Hahaha. Ask me about Australia. Asked me to go look for him. Haha. :) His voice is so loud. And when he saw me he practucally boomed JOAN!! Hahaha. Pleasant surprise.

CM1121 tutorial was a waste of time. But the tutor was in a really good mood, just like what YT said. Sat outside KT25 eating my HUGE cheese bun. Man, kinda felt like a pauper. Then the medicine people started streaming out from the walkway, and had to say hi to all of them. Wasn't that bad. I was very happy to see them. surprisingly. Talked to Jessica and Teresa. And Huiyu! and Joyce!

Went for lab. which was quite fun. Sharon's nice. the girl next to me is a fuggling idiot. so rude. The new muthu is damn nice! :)

Lecture was alright. Don't understand anything. But who cares. Sat with Shiyan and Wansean again.

Shumin replied. I'm so grateful to her. :)

TGIF!

Because I'm angry again. With everyone. With nosy parkers who read my blog and don't give a damn about me. With people who don't take me seriously. With people who don't respect me. With friends who don't treasure friendship. That's why I'm here again. So that they can't get the satisfaction of knowing all the tiniest details about me, and get all smug about it.

I feel so tired. Not sleepy-tired, but just... weary. I wish it would end soon.

I'll just blog about today then.

Woke up at 6.30. Bloody freezing. Ma fetched me to MRT. Stood all the way to Tanah Merah. Met Xueying and Jasmine there. Sent Xinying off. If she hung around any longer, I would have bawled my eyes out. She had to give everyone who came to send her off a hug. :) I like her family. Her ma went to tell everyone I'm going Australia to study. Almost cried. Then her aunt started talking to me, and we both were tearing. Haha.

Came back to NUS with Cindy Lee and Shikai. Shikai is really nice. :) They were eating in the MRT?! Studied alone at the central library for a little while before Wanxuan joined me. Man, she's damn funny. The 2 of us are BAD for each other! It's negative feedback. Stoned. She bought bread from the vending machine, and I got a beef pizza. Finished physics tutorial! :)

Good thing we left early for the MPSH, cos we got lost! We took Bus B which terminated at Kent Vale! funny! Got that early. Met couple of med people. The test was alright. Thought it was easy, but turned out that I had alot of mistakes. Man, there goes my self-esteem. Anyway, we totally ignored this guy today. The whole bunch of us. think it was pretty obvious. I feel EVIL!

Went to physics lab to do tutorial. With Xinli. Felt a bit bad cos I copied some of her stuff, and didn't do a good job. Went to Gramercy. Man! The guy is SO nice! I wanna buy the slim light case!! Only 45 bucks! :) the books are pretty cheap. Was so tempted to buy, but I've decided I'm not gonna get any. No point also la.

Came home, had dinner with my ma. :) Yami yoghurt! :)

Hai. Starved the whole day, then stuffed myself for dinner. Hai.

I love Elgar's enigma variations and cello concerto! So full of anguish. So melodious. Damn nice! Makes heart soar. They remind me that there are things that I want to do before I die.

I hate her. Pretentious bitch. If it happens so often, it's so fucking obvious it's on purpose. What, you think i'm a freaking retard?!

Reading this teacher's blog on setbacks and disappointments made me think back on my own. I recall crumbling, falling apart, and dying in the still kicking-screaming world. I think I was scrounging around for a sense of purpose -- nothing really meant anything, and there was nowhere left to go -- nowhere that really mattered, since after this moment, all was lost. All I wanted to do was skip the rest of this lifetime, skip straight to the end, know the humiliation without experiencing it, course quickly through the now-useless existence I was about to live, and escape everything-to-come... because how could it be worth it, after all you'd fought for was now impossible? And the funny thing is, I never even entertained the idea of killing myself. It seemed like a ridiculous thing to do. I only had an abstract sense that I wanted to retreat from the world, never try again -- perhaps more importantly, never hope again, because visions were now certainly vanities, and designs for all things great were unfair, they would never be delivered into your hands -- they would deny you, evade you. 3 months later, the wound still bleeds. :(

Bumpy

Yeah. Bumpy. What a day. Been bumping into people the whole day.

Met Tammy at the bus-stop. That's 1. Froze my butt off during physics lecture. He did the catch the 2 dollar note demo. :) The explaning parts quite dry. The only parts that interested me were the examples and the back-of-envelope calculations. Sat next to the same yr 2 again. She's quite nice la.

Went for Relativity after that. Ha! Exciting! :) I like! Edward Teo so awkward! So funny. Quite happy to hear alot of familiar terms and concepts, like event horizon etc. So, good la. Met Erlyani outside the LT. 2 already. Then Joaling. 3. Then MY. 4. Ruth Chen. Goodness! 5. Organic chem lecture so dumb. I don't like it. So brainless. After that met Hong. 6. We went to YIH together. Yiting and Lina don't count. Chen xinyi. 7. Ian. 8. Liu Huimin and Tracy. Total, 10! Anyway, Huimin's still the nice ol' girl. But her friend ah.. look so quite, but Very ji za. Poor little rich girl. Poor thing... My foot.

Ate BK all by my lonesome self. Came home, got nagged at and we went to IDP to settle stuff. I'm going! I'm going! :D Think what Aaron said is quite true. The brand of the uni doesn't matter, if you're good enough.

It's sunday already?!

Had a bad dream last night. The scene at the airport suddenly became a funeral. And everyone was crying like it hurt real bad. And I couldn't find anything nice to wear. And people were watching me get dressed. Later, my ma got lost, and suddenly both of us were in the car, driving around Tuas, and my ma was worried that we wouldn't be able to make it back in time. And each time I woke up and went back to sleep, the dream just continued. Like it didn't wanna let me off. O well. It's just a dream.

My whole body is aching now. And my tooth too. Damn scared my upper wisdom tooth is gonna give me problem. Dang. :( Played violin for a while. But my arms were tired, from playing or from exercise I dunno. And nothing felt right. Can't even do the staccato anymore. Shit la.

I can remember my IVLE log-ins!

Ow! ow! OW!

Backache. The muscle hurts like hell. Hope nothing screwed up in there. Hope it's just over-exertion from last night. Did 20 leg-lifts and that back exercise thingy. Only. Damn. I'm so unfit. Heh. Woke up late today. Ma bought lunch home from United Square. Vacuumed the house while they were out watching the dollies. K, not the whole house. Most of it anyway. My back started aching terribly, had to stop. Met SY to get notes and the career guide. Today got damn pissed with stupid GXY. What the hell. Supposed to message me to go out in the afternoon. But around 4 she sms say can meet at 6? Walau, felt like punching her face. Obviously not. Make me wait and wait, in the end come and ask a stupid question. So freaking selfish. Only care about herself. Dammit. Anyway, played violin for a while. Very frustrated with myself over violin. I can't get it to sound the way I want it to! And my fingers hurt so often I must be doing smth wrong. Or worse, I'm not suited to my violin!! :( Went out for dinner after that. Purposely put black face the whole night. Quite tired now. I wanna pamper myself now.

Fluids, fluids, fluids..

God, I'm getting dumber. My physics is damn rusty. Shit la. Spent the night talking to C, Yian and JT. About..? Bernoulli's Principle! Hahaha. Really. And talked to SR too. Ran out to watch arts central.

Curse of the day

The effing idiot. If he dares to come and talk to me again, I swear I will brush him off so fast and so hard he'll get a friction burn. And if he pisses me off, I'll poke out his stupid eyeballs, and break his nose. Insensitive ass. Who does he think he is. So freakin condescending. Like saying smth nice is gonna be a torture worse than death. Like replying a lousy sms is gonna cost enough to need to rob a bank. Like being concerned takes more energy than running a marathon. Like his whole world only revolves around his stupid books and stupid music. Like our friendship counts for nothing. Thought he could be counted on. Dammit. All the stupid promises. Especially the one about helping me when it came down to the crunch. He go where? Disappeared into thin air. Ask for help, he dunno talk what cock. I sure hope he's feeling happy and contented... COS I'M NOT! I'm so effing bitter and angry with him. Cos now i've been chucked aside like a used rag. Damn you. Don't expect me to be kind anymore.

Headache

Alrighty. With this post, Rhapsody has taken on the responsibility of being my full-time blog, and not just for grumbling.

Sian. Just flipping through the websites and I realised that registration for physics tutorials and practicals is up and running. Panic panic panic. Just finalising stuff when Screamin-her-head-off-chong comes into my house and starts yelling for me. Hurriedly scooped up all my stuff and left.

Got my labcoat at the co-op. Another pang in my heart when I saw the medicine lab coats. 28 bucks! Goodness. Is it some special cloth?! Saw JL. Hung around for a little while saw senior X and sat beside her while she handed out flyers, albeit slightly awkwardly. Left for lab with JY, her friend and S. Lab was alright. C, on my left, is really sweet and nice. K, on my right, is damn blur and reminds me of Kunlin. He's my partner. Opposite me's 2 really xiong guys. Damn zai also. No mishaps today. Except I thought my thumb kena the phenol and got me so worried. The stuff quite cheem. No formal explanation, basic stuff either. The pipettes very hard to use!! Hope I get ok results.

Then 1101 lecture. Prof quite funny. But I was SO hungry and tired.